Saturday, December 20, 2008

What Not To Bear

Brody is a fan of "stupid" gifts and, if we had the budget for it, his pals would get a stund gift along with a real one. Brody even manages to come up with awesome gift ideas for those not on his nice list. He has a special gift when it comes to picking self-help book titles, matching them up with folks we know in the most comical of ways. We (for the good and/or bad of it) share the same sense of humour and I'm usually right there with him as he makes his off the wall gift suggestions. But, like most. we're on a budget. So, Nathan was the only "odd" gift recipient over the last two years. Last year he received a Jesus action figure Brody picked up at the X-Store in town. It was pretty funny. There were other Jesus-things Brody wanted to get him but Jesus was an expensive item for a 10 year-old's budget so one it was.

This year Brody knew what he wanted, and threw a full salami into my grocery cart announcing it was Nathan's present. Well, the salami was second choice. Brody was actually looking for a dildo (the kids have been fascinated with them since they realized they 'Dildo' is more than a place you pass going to visit Nan in Hearts Content) and since there were none on our travels he placated himself with the real-meat substitute. I'm sure there's a male-joke in there somewhere but I was wise and didn't ask, especially when Brody asked if I had a dildo around anywhere he could use for his gift-assuring me I would get it back. As if. I thought it best not to ask.

Nathan got Brody back though, or I suppose he did. Nathan gave Brody a two-pack of baby soothers.

Best not to ask.

In the list below I would like to receive the dog-poop calendar. That would make me smile.

Enjoy these what not to gets...

Web site, which claims finding a truly stupid gift is an art form, on Tuesday unveiled its second annual list of the top 10 "stupidest" holiday gifts for 2008.
"2008 might have been a bad year for the economy, but it was a great year for stupidity," said's founder Gary Apple. "Weird products seemed to come out of the woodwork this year. There was almost too much stupidity to choose from!"

Last year the list featured a Hillary Clinton nutcracker, a Mother Teresa breath spray, and portable mistletoe with a suction cup to attach to your forehead.

Here is New York-based's top 10 list for 2008 ( which is not endorsed by Reuters:

1. Screaming Chicken, The World's Most Annoying Toy:
This rubber chicken doesn't squeak or squawk. It screams.
2. Wealth Redistribution 2008 Holiday Ornament:
This tree ornament announces that the ornament that used to be there has been removed and given to someone who needs it more. The Redistribution Holiday Ornament will let everyone know you're spreading the wealth whether you want to or not.
3. Mini Guitar Hero:
This miniature version of that mega-hit game is barely 6-inches long but you can still rock out to songs by Queen, Cheap Trick, Nirvana, and The Police.
4. Potty Putter:
Why waste time on the toilet, when you can use it to get ready for the fairway? Potty Putter contains everything you need for an exciting round of golf without leaving your seat including a putting green for around the toilet, mini putter, flag stick and two golf balls.
5. Wasabi Flavored Gumballs:
These potent little green confections offer an intense explosion of wasabi. Strangely, the gum is actually delicious.
6. Men's Underwear Repair Kit:
In this troubled economy, don't throw away your old underwear but repair it with the Men's Underwear Repair Kit. This handy, inexpensive kit provides everything you need to get your unsightly undershorts back into presentable shape.
7. Obama "Yes We Can" Opener:
Every election spawns some interesting products, but this has to be one of the stupidest. To Obama fans, the "Yes, We Can" opener, seizing on his campaign refrain, could be a treasure.
8. "How To Tie A Tie" Tie:
Still struggle with your tie? This stylish tie has simple knot-tying instructions printed right on the front. Just follow the six step-by-step diagrams and you'll look as dashing as George Clooney in seconds.
9. 2009 Dog Poop Calendar:
Each month features a spectacular landscape or breathtaking tableau, but somewhere in every shot there's a pile of dog poop. Distasteful? You bet it is, but the contrast between the beautiful photography and dog poop is remarkable.
10. Pole Dancer Alarm Clock:
When the alarm goes off, dance music plays and disco lights flash. At the same time, a buxom blond dancer gyrates around a pole under the spinning disco ball.

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